


Train Station

by jeonocho



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 10:14:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17119436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonocho/pseuds/jeonocho
Summary: you can’t help but be interested in the cute guy that you see everyday at the train station.





	Train Station

**28/01/2017** ****

_Is it weird to fall for someone that you only saw once and you never had a real conversation with that person? My friends say that this isn’t falling in love. They say that this is just some kind of infatuation, like when you see a cute guy in the bus or at a coffee shop and you just get kind of obsessed with him just because there is an improbability that something like that would happen in your life._

* * *

 

_But what if you had seen him more than once and at some random point you two exchange  few words – something very simple, such as “What time is it?”. Can I already put him on my terribly small list of guys by whom I fell in love? Maybe I can, maybe I can’t._

_Maybe I’ll just put him because I want to; simply because that is my list and I can put how many names I want to. That list would only consist in the names of famous people, but it’s still a list nonetheless._

_The thing is that I know that there is a huge possibility that I’ll never see that guy again in my life. I will never get to see his hair fall on his eyes again, never get to see lips which I could swear that were covered by lipstick – just because they were impossibly beautiful -, I will never get to see his eyes that become so intense and focused whenever he is looking at his phone. Because there is no way one can see the same person for two straight weeks, at the same train station and at the same time.  Is there?_

* * *

 

**05/02/2017**

_I’ve talked to him today! Like really talked! It was a very common conversation, the type that people always have when they are waiting for the train – something really trivial like “The station is oddly full today” or “Are you still in school?” it was a short conversation, yes, but one that was a real, nobody can deny that._

_His name is Baekhyun. And his voice… my god his voice. He has that type of voice that makes you want to hear every single thing that he has to say for hours straight, even if he was talking about the least attractive subject in the world._

_He sat by my side in the train and we just talked, simple as that. At the end we exchanged phone numbers, but we both knew what we wouldn’t call each other. What would be the point? “Hey y/n, I was thinking that we could meet again and have another talk, like the last one, but this time maybe a little more meaningful”_

_That will never happen because, well, if life was as simple as the movies made it seem I could just sit around, wait for a little while and then everything would happen and fall from the sky in my lap. My mom used to say that the only thing that can fall from the sky is rain and bird shit._

* * *

 

**18/02/2017** ****

_Baekhyun  called me a few days ago, it was so sudden that I thought it was a prank of one of my friends and I almost hang up on him. If I actually had done it the chances of him calling me again would be very close to zero. Thank God I looked at the ID caller before I did that, otherwise I would regret that for the rest of my life._

_He asked me to go out to get a cup of coffee. We would meet at the train station and then we would go to a nice place. At the beginning I didn’t know what to expect.  As far as I know he could easily be a sociopath that likes to kill stupid girls who get interested in random guys at the train station. The chances of things being that way are actually really short but a girl had to look out for herself._

_When I saw him again he looked like a completely different person. His hair was a complete mess by the amount of times that he ran his hand through them, just in period of time that it took for me to walk from stairs to the pillar where he was leaning._

_It was funny how a single phone call, an insignificant push of buttons, could change your life and turn it upside down - turning it into a complete mess, but a good kind of mess. That mess you want to see every day._

* * *

 

**10/03/2017**

_First date, that's what happened today; the dreaded and expected first date. I was so nervous I thought I might vomit at any moment. Some people say they feel like they have butterflies in the stomach but in my case I had the feeling that fifteen elephants were walking over me._

_I know what you're thinking wasn't the coffee date, a date? To me it was but to Baekhyun it wasn't, he said that a proper date shouldn't involve just coffee._

_It was something simple, nothing planned to the extreme. It had been a simply going out. We went bowling and then went to eat junk food. Somehow we ended up in my flat drinking beers and laughing like crazy. Nothing happened of course but we had so much fun._

_And I am back to my debate on whether or not I’ve fallen in love. Every time we meet, either for coffee or beers, I knew that something inside was changing, growing. I have absolutely no idea what I'll do because I have the complete notion that these feelings are not going anywhere. And I think that's not the scariest part of all._

_And the scariest part is that I don’t want them going anywhere._

* * *

 

**15/05/2017**

_Baekhyun and I became official today. For both of us everything was right there was no doubt about how we felt towards each other, but he insisted on meeting my parents and that's what we did. I called my mom and said that I would take a boy home. That was the first time I took a guy at home, you can already imagine what her reaction was. She made the dinner of a lifetime, which could easily feed a whole camp._

_The hardest part, of course, was going through my father. Every parent becomes overprotective for his only daughter, completely understandable I supposed. My father missed his name a million times and half of those names I had never heard in my life. But I think in the end my dad ended up liking him because when it was time for us to leave neither of them made a move showing that they wanted to end the conversation they were having about football._

_I think that was the first time I saw my father talking to any other person besides the family and he wasn’t trying to rip the poor guy’s head off. I think that this day has become one of my favourites of all time and I have more reasons than necessary to think so._

_Things are going so well that I don’t think that at some point something could improve._

* * *

 

**22/09/2017** ****

_Dear Baekhyun ,_

_I made the terrible mistake of telling him that I keep a journal and that in this journal I write things about you. And now you're bothering me to read it. So I decided that the next entries in this journal will be for you._

_One day I promise I'll let you read it all, but not yet. I don't want you to see how weird I am by falling for you before I even knew your name, because I think you will be scared and run far away._

_We adopted a dog today. This must have been the coolest, cheesiest thing we did in our history - which is not as long as well. That dog is the cutest thing in the universe, I swear. You didn’t see what he did after you left! In front of you he was playing all nice and sweet, but as soon as you walked out the door he started to pee all over my apartment and destroyed the only  flip flops I have._

_But anyway he is still the cutest thing in the world. Just so you know if one day we broke up - I really hope that does not happen - Duke is mine, there’s no point of you trying to discuss the situation with me._

* * *

 

**18/02/2018**

_Dear Baekhyun ,_

_Today marks exactly one year since we went out for our first coffee date. I didn’t think you'd remember, because you are a man and men usually do not remember dates like this - unless the girl leaves several reminders everywhere and maybe not even then. But I think by now should know that you’re not like everyone else, you're mine and that makes you the most special of all._

_You gave me flowers and took me to the same caffe we went to that first time. I can’t even begin to tell you how touched I was with it, but of course I didn’t let you see it. Every time you see me crying or emotional, for any reason, you find a way to leave me completely embarrassed. You are very mean when you do that but I also know that you do things like that because you don’t like to see me cry so I’ll forgive you this time around._

_Baekhyun there is something wrong, right? I know that if I ask you face to face you’ll tell me nothing is wrong and that you are perfectly fine, but I know you're not well. I found it in your closet the pills you take, and I don't even know what half of them do._

_Baek, I'm worried. Why can’t you just talk to me and tell me everything? We promised to never hide anything from each other, but here you are lying next to me in bed as if nothing is happening. I know something's wrong. You are sleeping too much, you don’t play football anymore and you have trouble breathing every time we climb a few stairs._

_You are fully aware that I'll figure out what's wrong with all of this, don’t you?_

* * *

 

**25/03/2018**

_Dear Baekhyun ,_

_I desperately want to write something, but I just can’t. You told me ... You finally took courage and told me everything that was happening. I don’t know what to do or what to think. I simply don’t know._

_Part of me is so angry at you. You hid from me that your heart is barely functioning on its own, but you refuse to go see a doctor and also barely take your medication, but the other part, the one that loves you desperately, doesn't know what to do. You just told me you're dying and there's nothing I or anyone can do. But you know I will not give up so easy. Neither should you._

_There are treatment in other countries, which have not been tested due to lack of volunteers, we can try. I'm not ready to lose you; I would never be ready for such a thing._

_We just brought your stuff to my apartment so we could live together and you throw a bomb like that on me. When I said I knew something was wrong I never thought it could be something like that. Your family has no history of heart problems; you don’t smoke, play sports and is as healthy as someone your age can be. Why did this have to happen to you? You are a good person. Never hurt a fly in your entire life._

_I want to get so angry with someone. I want to be angry with God for wanting to take you away from me so fast, but I can’t._

_Please, please, let me try to help you in every possible way, okay?_

* * *

 

**30/05/2018**

_My Dear y/n,_

_You finally let me read your journal. I spent the last day with my face buried in it discovering all that I still didn’t know about you. Read our story through your point of view was so different that I came to think that I was reading the story of someone else._

_I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I know we've had very good moments this past year, but I can see how much you’ve been suffering these last few months. And it hurts me even more to know that the fault is entirely mine. I know I shouldn't have hidden my condition from you and that I shouldn’t  have forbidden my mother to tell you everything that was going on, but you have to understand that I did it because I wanted to be as healthy as possible near you and those drugs wouldn't let me do that. Without them I could play football, run through the park with you and kiss you without worrying that at any moment I would have to drop it all because my heart didn't beat the way it was supposed to - because it couldn't do it's basic function._

_I know I don't have much time left and it will all be over as quickly as it started, but I don't want that to happen. I still want to wake up in the morning and see your face, the way you wrinkle your nose when you smile or even the way you hit me when I annoy you._

_I won't be one of those better guys who say that you should find another guy to love, because I don’t want you to. I want to be so damn selfish and not let anyone else have you, I want you to love me even thirty years from now, the same way we swore to each other that we would. But how could I do that? You're still so young and you have still have so much love to give._

_And now you have someone else to give all to._

_I know you think that night I was sleeping, but I wasn't y/n. I was just too tired to open my eyes but I was wide awake and heard your words loud and clear. I know about the baby. I'm sorry, honey. You have no idea how sorry I feel._

_I wouldn't be of much help to you - we had our evidence when we took care of your baby cousin for a night - but I still wanted to be there. I wanted to hear the first word he would say, the first steps. Wanted to teach him to ride a bike, swim and play football; wanted to be there on the first day of class, the high school graduation and college, marriage and even to see him having children. Or, at the very least see him or her be born. Even if it was for just a minute, one second even, I would like to have our baby in my arms._

_From the day I met you, from the second you answered your phone and agreed to go out with me, I knew that we were a done deal. I could already picture myself with you for years to come, until both only had white hair in our heads, until death did us part. In a way that's really what happened.  I'll just do the only thing you asked me never to do, I'll leave you. And that's the one thing that pains me the most about everything right now_

_Is it wrong I still want me to miraculously get better? That tomorrow I want to wake up completely cured of it this and see you smile again as if nothing ever happened? Y/N promise me that you will smile again and every time you look at this little thing that is still growing inside you, you’ll remember me._

_No matter what, I'll find my way back to you again._

_Forever yours,_

_Baekhyun_

* * *

 

**10/06/2019**

_Dear Baekhyun ,_

_It’s been more than a year since I last wrote on this journal. Since the day you’ve wrote on it I didn't  dare to write anything else because it seems that you’re still here if I don't write after you - as if your words are still fresh in my mind, as if i could hear you whispering them the whole time in my ear._

_Baekhyun, he's so big. Six months. He is six months old. Jun is six months old and every day that goes by he looks more like you. He has your eyes and when he laughs at some weird face I make I swear I can see your smile in him._

_What will I do when he goes to school and wonder why other kid’s dads will pick them up while I’m the only one that goes to get him after school? I can’t ride a bike, how will I teach him something I don’t know? How will I talk to him about girls without seeming like a completely obsessed mother over her son?_

_I hate you so much for being gone just like that, without giving me a chance to try to help you - try to save you. Because I could have tried, Baekhyun . On the day you wrote the damn letter in my journal I got a call saying you had passed the tests, that we could pack our bags and leave for the trial treatments. But when I entered the room you could barely breathe, your lips were turning blue and your eyes were out of focus. You died in my arms. I saw your last breath, I saw life leave your body as if it was nothing. Damn it, Baekhyun! You should be here, we should be doing this together._

_But at the same time I still love you so much. You’re on my mind every second of every day; every time I look at our son there you are, with that smile that made me melt completely. I want our family to be complete._

_I keep trying to convince myself that I'll wake up at any time and all of this will simply be a horrible nightmare. That when I turn on my side on bed I'll be comforted by the warmth of your body, that you'll whisper_ it's okay, it was just a bad dream.

_I didn’t find someone else, and I know I'll never do. I don't want to. The love we shared was something unique and that only happens once in a lifetime. I can't imagine myself with anyone else other than you._

_When I was a child my mother used to say that we have more than just one life and that some souls are destined to meet each other. Do you think we are two of those souls? Who lived in the past an epic love story  and that we are destined to meet again in other lives? I really hope so Baekhyun._

_I'd live it all again, the same excruciating pain that cuts me up inside every day, if it meant that I could have the opportunity to spend another wonderful day by your side._

* * *

 

_Hi Dad,_

_Earlier today was my high school graduation, which means I can finally read your words to my mother and hers to you._

_She did everything, you know. Everything you said you would do to me. She learned to ride a bike and swim, just to teach me, because this was your last request._

_As I grew up, back when I was too young to understand, I was angry for being the only one without a father. All the others had their dads, even though they lived in different houses. Mom just told me that you are in a place from which you could not return. I wanted to find out where that place was, just to pick you up and bring you back – even if I had to drag you from there. I didn't care that maybe you left because you didn’t want us, I just wanted a father. But then one day Mom told me that you died before I was even born and that was why you couldn't come home._

_I was ten. I don’t remember crying so much at some point in my life - even when I fell from my bike and my arm had an exposed fracture. That day mom hugged me tight and said that even before I was born you already loved me._ _I cried in her arms until I was sleep._

_Sometimes I wonder how it would have been to grow up with you there every single day. One thing is certain: mom would have been so much happier than she was, than she is. Don't get me wrong she is happy, but it's like all the brightness she showed me in this journal has simply blown out, flame of a candle. Sometimes she leaves that tough facade fall and I hear crying at night, always with a picture of you in hands. In those days I leave my room and go to hers. She sleeps holding my hand tightly as if I too could disappear at any second._

_She makes me do a check-up every six months, just to make sure I don't have any heart condition. She knows that, for now, I'm free and that I don't have to worry but even so she won't budge. She always says the same thing when I complain "_ I will not risk losing you to the same demon that took your dad from me _", not that I do a lot of that._

_The day I took Danni home I wondered what you would have done, if you would have liked her. I like to think that you would pat my shoulder and say that I chose well. Mom likes her, but I know Mum would like anyone I introduce to her, she always says "_ If you are happy, I'm happy. _"_

_Mom is a voluntary in a hospital of children with cancer. I guess she likes to think she can do something to save the lives of those children. I went up there once with her. Those children are so full of life, even the weakest ones. I like to imagine that you were the same way. That even sick you didn’t lose your glow._

_I'm going to med school. I want to help people. I want to do for them what no one did for you. Danni goes to the same college as me, but she will study Architecture._

_If you're wondering, no, mom never went out with another man. The only time she went on a date she got home far too early, when I asked what happened she replied "_ He's not your father. _" But I think she'll be fine. She is still young and beautiful, she might still find someone. Of course, I would prefer that you were still here and that she was completely happy with you, but I think she deserves happiness in whatever shape or form comes her way._

_I keep a picture of you in my wallet with mom, just to remind me every day that just because you're not physically here doesn't mean that you're not around._

_I love you dad, even though I never met you._

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first story here so i'm a little nervous, even though the same story has already been posted on tumblr before \o/


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